Why Avoidance Can Keep Anxiety Going

Nov 2, 2026 · @Dareck

Avoidance works. That’s part of the problem.

Say you’ve been putting off a phone call. Maybe it’s to a doctor’s office, a family member, or your boss. Each time you think about it, your stomach tightens. So you tell yourself you’ll do it tomorrow, and almost right away you feel better.

That relief is real. It’s also the main reason avoidance is so hard to stop.

The pattern: anxiety, avoidance, relief

The cycle has three steps, and most of us have lived it:

Something triggers anxiety. A medical appointment, a hard conversation, a crowded room, an email you don’t want to answer.
You avoid it. You cancel the appointment, skip the conversation, or stay away from the situation.
Your anxiety drops.

Avoidance isn’t always that obvious. Sometimes it looks like putting something off “until I have more time,” or getting through a situation only by relying on a habit that keeps the fear small. Psychologists call these quieter versions safety behaviors: actions meant to prevent or reduce the thing you fear.

Why the pattern sticks

Your brain pays attention to what happens right after you do something. When avoiding is followed by relief, the avoidance can start to feel like the solution, so the next time anxiety shows up, avoiding is even more tempting.

The cost is easy to miss. If the situation is reasonably safe, avoiding it can keep you from learning two things: “I can handle this,” and “This may not be as dangerous as it feels.” Researchers who study anxiety describe how safety behaviors can keep people from discovering that a feared outcome is unlikely, or that they could tolerate it if it happened (Blakey & Abramowitz, 2016).

The relief is real in the moment. What you don’t get is the evidence that would loosen anxiety’s hold.

What CBT does about it

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) often works on avoidance directly, using an approach called gradual exposure. Instead of steering around what makes you anxious, you take small, planned steps toward it, starting with something manageable and building from there, often with a therapist’s guidance.

The point isn’t to grit your teeth through fear. It’s to give your brain the chance to learn something new: that the situation is safer than it felt, or that you can handle it better than you expected.

Therapists also pay attention to subtle safety behaviors during this work. The research on them is mixed, and some may help people stay in a hard situation. But many appear to interfere with learning, so they are often reduced over time (Blakey & Abramowitz, 2016).

What a healthier response can look like

The answer isn’t “never avoid anything” or “just face your fears.” It’s smaller and more practical:

Notice the urge. “I want to avoid this” is information, not an order.
Pick one small step. Something uncomfortable but doable: send the email, make the call, stay for the first ten minutes.
Let the anxiety come along. You don’t have to feel calm before you act. Sometimes the goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety first. It’s to learn that you can move forward even while it’s there.
Check what actually happened. Afterward, compare what you expected with what occurred. That comparison is the new learning.

Important to keep in mind

Some situations really are unsafe. Avoiding real danger is good judgment, not an anxiety problem. If a situation involves actual risk, trust that.
Not all avoidance is unhealthy. Everyone says no, postpones, or steps back at times. The question is whether avoidance is shrinking your life or keeping you stuck.
Go carefully with trauma. Facing painful memories or reminders of a traumatic event on your own, without support, can be overwhelming. If trauma is part of the picture, working with a qualified professional is the safer route.

A question to sit with

Think of one thing you’ve been putting off lately. If you did one small piece of it, what would that piece be?

Learn more

If avoidance is taking up more room in your life than you’d like, support is available. Bearing Well Therapy provides individual therapy to adults in Massachusetts. Learn more at BearingWellTherapy.com.

Educational content only; not individualized therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice.

Sources

Blakey, S. M., & Abramowitz, J. S. (2016). The effects of safety behaviors during exposure therapy for anxiety: Critical analysis from an inhibitory learning perspective. Clinical Psychology Review, 49, 1–15. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2016.07.002
Treanor, M., & Barry, T. J. (2017). Treatment of avoidance behavior as an adjunct to exposure therapy: Insights from modern learning theory. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 96, 30–36. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2017.04.009